The Big Cats of Hollywood – Orange County Register

Rogers Hammerstein, a popular reality TV producer, is smacking his iPhone screen with his thumb, writing a rather lengthy group text to a bunch of industry friends.

Two years after the pandemic, what was once a casual Saturday morning gang whose members met for breakfast at Art’s Delicatessen in Studio City is now almost entirely focused on a virtual social circle. , with a few tidbits of studio rumors rolling in, along with some lame golf jokes, all on their collective phone.

God, how Rogers hates virtual things. Zoom meetings, FaceTimes, protestors. Fine, you can get some work done instead of not doing it. Well, you’ve never been stuck in traffic or heard tired stories of people arriving late for 405. But he missed the 12:30 table at Ivy. He missed the Polo Lounge martini after that. Really, he misses the boys.

“Pals, listen,” he texted. “You know that SB 9 makes no sense? What from our Sacramento friends, to whom we send such resources as election time rolls around? Granny apartments, duplex apartments, duplex apartments, four apartments to a lot for the god of fortune? ”

He stopped and hit send. Seconds later, Brownie White, a prominent attorney, texted: “Accessory housing units. ADVERTISEMENT. ”

“That’s right, Brownie, technical jargon. The point is, are we going to let these Silicon Valley fat cats eat their lunch in LA when it comes to stopping this mass-densification of California? “I hit send.

Randy Peters, Disney CEO: “Admittedly, the Palo Alto adjoining wildcat act is a pretty clever scam. But what about mountain lions? they say. Where would the cougars live if the mad real estate guys plowed through the vast lawns of Woodside with tiny dingbat rental units? Pumas also have rights! ”

“The problem is,” continued Rogers, “these Woodside Facebook sellers have never even seen a mountain lion in their town! However they’re using – or will use, I think they’ve folded it already, but that’s not a bad idea, and we can take it to the bank – the ‘habitat’ plot of this mountain lion’ for sale to the bleeding hearts in Sacto to keep the kin from escaping their ancient woodland apartment, capice? But right here in your Brentwood, your Tarzana, your Hollywood Hills, we’ve captured our mountain lions! Remember the big cat P 22? The one on the Sports Illustrated cover with the Hollywood sign in the background? “

“It’s Nat Geo, honey. This is a cat, not a swimsuit model,” Walter Luger reminds the group.

“Same difference,” Rogers continued. “He is world famous! There was video footage of him hiding under the house in Beachwood Canyon in January. He had caught that koala at the LA Zoo the day before. He is the king of Los Feliz! Girl in the Times talked about his ‘beautiful toned look’! “He’s the Brad Pitt of the cougar world,” said the girl with the big cat tattoo. She is speaking our language! I’m telling you, 22 is our guy against this whole lousy dense LA”

“I don’t know, Rog,” said the lawyer. “We have to keep our dough dry with the electors when we really need to oil the wheels – sort of lowering the in-state manufacturing tax. The lions? Doesn’t work for our Big Tech brethren. ”

“They don’t know how to sell stories!” Rogers replied. “Who is a better storyteller than us, the big cats of Hollywood. Am I right? ”

Radio silence from the gang. Rogers gave up.

“Okay, I have time to play on the Lakeside in an hour anyway. Just trying to protect your overvalued sacred estate. Ciao for now and, hey, next year in the old booth at Art’s, am I right? “

Larry Wilson is on the editorial board of the Southern California News Group. lwilson@scgn.com.