Westminster Sketch: Party leaders clash over Tory Migration Bill

Scotland, the world capital of virtue signalling, stands with its brothers and sisters in north London. So the three northern states (London, England and Scotia) are everywhere. It is very confusing.

Luckily, Prime Minister’s Questions is a weekly event that gets things sorted out to everyone’s satisfaction and brings the UK back together in harmony. Doctor, I think these pills have side effects.

As the two sides faced each other yesterday – stale, pale anti-racist anti-Tory PM and home secretary of minority ethnicity – a fault line separated sympathy and political opportunism. It was unclear who was on which side.


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Labor leader Keir Starmer was certainly unusually sympathetic to Home Secretary Suella Braverman, approvingly noting her recent assessment of the government’s record on immigration as “hard talk and inappropriate action”. Did the PM agree?

nope Rishi Sunak said his “compassionate” actions were designed to break up the criminal gangs that are currently dominating the waves. And Britannia’s job was to rule the waves. Mr Starmer’s only plan, meanwhile, was “open door immigration and unlimited asylum”.

Nah, wiznae, Sir Keir said. “No one on this side of the house wants open borders,” he said. “On this side, they’ve lost control of the borders.” Well, at least the second part was true.

The Prime Minister said the terrible gentleman had been “on the wrong side of the issue his entire career”. He had called all immigration laws “racist,” said controlling immigration was a mistake, and “never, ever, supported tougher asylum laws.”

Sir Keir’s face took on a sepia glow as he walked toward his happy place: the past. “When I was in charge of the public prosecutor’s office” – here we go; he should light a whistle if he gets away with that line – “I’ve turned in countless rapists.”

Yes? said Rishi. Well, now he was “just another left-wing lawyer standing in our way.” Maybe, but behind him was an angular-looking skinhead whose Doc Marten got slammed on the butt of anyone who said he wasn’t sympathetic.


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On International Women’s Day, the SNP’s Westminster leader, Stephen Flynn, wanted the Prime Minister to reconfirm that under his proposed new law, no protection would be given to a woman who is sexually trafficked on a small boat bound for the UK.

As Mr Sunak began to reply, a roar ensued and Mr Speaker, Sir Lindsay Hoyle had to step in: ‘All I can say to the SNP is that it is quite right that the questions are being asked but the shouting from up there is not to anyone help.” A correct analysis.

Accordingly, it was ignored. Sir Lindsay again: “Mr McDonald, I don’t need to hear you rumble all the time.” Chundering indeed. There is a special chapter titled “Chundering” in the standing order.

Whatever Rishi said – something of “There’s nothing fair, there’s nothing compassionate about maintaining a system where… people are dying” – Stephen took it as a “yes” to his question and said, “What a complete and utter disgrace.”

Well there you are, but it came as no surprise, the Flynnster said, from a government that had spoken of “invasions”. The day before they had spoken of 100 million people coming to “these” – that will be England’s, mate – “coasts”. Then they ramped it up to “billions.” Could get pretty crowded, right enough. However, not here. For some reason few choose Scotland as their destination of choice.

“Who,” asked the follicle-free bad boy, “does his government draw inspiration from: Nigel Farage or Enoch Powell?”

Crivvens, all in addition to leading philosopher Gary Lineker calling the government Nazis. After that there is nowhere else to go.


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Mr. Sunak got a little somber and replied, “What nonsense.” He added, “The figure of 100 million does not come from the government. It comes from the United Nations.”

Speaking of invasions, Britain is facing an influx of jubilant performers for the upcoming Eurovision Song Contest. Kevin Brennan (Lab) complained about tickets being bought from advertisers and not being able to attend decent sad cases. This latest example of “a rampant rip-off culture in Tory Britain” was “particularly despicable,” he said. First world problem, mate.

Chris Clarkson (Con) spoke about the need for more women in politics, asking the Prime Minister to point out that he was “auctioned off” last week to help the Conservative Women’s Organization. I understand. And people find the Greens funny. Chris added that his mother is in the visitors’ gallery.

Rishi: “I suppose it wasn’t his mother who successfully bid for him.”

https://www.heraldscotland.com/politics/viewpoint/23373120.westminster-sketch-party-leaders-odds-tory-migration-bill/?ref=rss Westminster Sketch: Party leaders clash over Tory Migration Bill

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