Most people would probably say they saw it The Batman for emo Robert Pattinson or maybe for latex legend Zoe Kravitz – but this girl? She risked The Rona to set her eyes on John Turturro: the man, the myth, the proven actor of our time. Why, you might ask? because i have taste.
If that name doesn’t mean anything to you, allow me to introduce you
my italian friend the Brooklyn-born and raised critically acclaimed actor, director, producer and writer and happily married (fuck) father of two grown children.
Although Turturro has been active in the industrial block for a few decades, it has had an exceptional year. You may know him from the last Apple TV+ Sleeper hit, severance pay, a sci-fi thriller series about Turturros Irving, an aging and gorgeous corporate man, falls in love with a colleague, Christopher Walkens Burt. In The BatmanYou’ll recognize him as Carmine Falcone, the graceful Gotham gangster and *spoiler alert* Father of Zoe Kravitz – how unfair that even their fictional fathers are doing well as hell. I never thought of myself as a mob wife, but between the tinted glasses and the tire-on-gravel voice, I’d happily be his fiancee in all things big and bad.
I knew I was obsessed Turturro in 2016 when he took an endearing turn as a pathetic criminal court attorney plagued by psoriasis and some previous blunders on HBOs The night of. Coincidentally, not only was I late to the party, I hadn’t realized just how versatile this man is.
Turturro rose to fame as a racist pizza worker at Spike Lee’s in the late 1980s do the right thinga bowling-ball-licking eccentric and suggested pederast The big Lebowskiand then as an evangelical basketball coach in He has game. From then on, Turturro starred alongside a who’s who of Hollywood stars like George Clooney Oh brother where are you? and Julianne Moore Glory bell, a recent romcom in which Turturro plays Moore’s unlikely love interest, enjoys reading poetry on the couch and twirling it around to earth, wind and fire in hackneyed singles bars. I’m still annoyed that no one thought to call me for Moore’s part.
Sure, he had his clothes on, aka the self-directed one The Jesus Scrolls, secret window and all directed by Adam Sandler (Mr. Deeds, you don’t mess with the Zohan). But he’s also managed to rack up a string of awards, isn’t afraid to dabble in directing, producing and writing, and is a longtime collaborator with Joel and Ethan Cohen(!).
“It’s amazing how he allows himself to be humiliated on camera,” the famous brothers said have said. How ironic! I would also let myself be humiliated for him in front of the camera!
Personal: Turturro is a Pisces (I can work with that!), has been married to the same woman for 37 years (king of commitments!), has a nice personal life in Park Slope (I’m down!), and most importantly, he’s a regular on Twitter doesn’t pick up on politics or anything he obviously doesn’t know (sexy!). Oh, and if you are a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Devotee, I dare you to close one eye, turn around three times and tell me he is NOT a death wrestler for Kyle Richards. Husband‘s long-lost buttoned-up brother.
Maybe I’ll spend the rest of my weekend binging severance pay and maybe see The Batman for the third time, but my mind is somewhere in Brooklyn, sharing a bowl of pasta with Turturro, Lady in tramp-Style. He nosed a meatball at me and I looked away in mock shyness. And then we slurped on and shared a sloppy kiss or ten. He may be my actual father’s age, but I will always have room for another daddy.
https://jezebel.com/ill-admit-it-im-down-bad-for-john-turturro-1848771544 I’m bad for John Turturro