I’m a parenting expert – seven steps to take when your child is refusing to go to school and watching for symptoms of anxiety

PARENTS expert Tanith Carey explains what parents can do when their child refuses to go to school.

Try to understand why: Talk to your child to find out why they are refusing to go to school.

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There may be underlying issues such as anxiety, bullying, or issues with friends that make them not want to participate.

Set clear expectations: It is important to set clear expectations for your child’s attendance at school and to communicate the consequences of not attending school.

This may include setting specific goals or rewards for participation, or taking action if expectations of participation are not met.

Tell the school: Don’t try to cover up your child’s refusal by claiming they are sick.

If your child develops a pattern of truancy, research shows that working with school authorities from the start can help address the problem more quickly.

They also need prompt intervention to prevent this from becoming a regular occurrence, as well as support from the school so that they have a better understanding of the difficulties your family is experiencing.

Give positive reinforcement: When your child goes to school, talk about their day and reflect on their feelings without trying to talk them out of it.

Emphasize how you managed to get by despite all your worries.

Use examples from your own life to explain that fears can seem bigger when we try to avoid them and that they handle them better when we face them.

Look for other symptoms: Some young people may develop school phobia, where they have physical anxiety symptoms such as panic attacks or complain that they have a headache or stomach ache when thinking about or going to school.

If the problem cannot be resolved with school support, seek help from a school psychologist through the school or your community.

Parents must come to the same page: School truancy can last longer when parents disagree – for example, one of you is more understanding while the other takes a harder line.

Take the time to talk about your feelings and agree on a common course of action.

Help with social skills: A common reason for school truancy is that teenagers develop low self-esteem because of difficulties with friends.

Rather than hoping they outgrow these, provide targeted assistance to help them practice social cues and sharing.