Herald’s Diary: When Lily Savage’s Aunt Had a Wicked Sense of Humor

THE Diary was saddened by the death of Paul O’Grady, the comedian, actor and TV presenter who loved performing in Scotland and who most recently starred in the musical Annie at the Edinburgh Playhouse.

Paul would appear as himself in later years, although he was first known to audiences as Lily Savage, his feisty and fabulous drag act persona.

Lily was based on O’Grady’s Aunt Chris, a clippie on the buses.

When Paul was little, she told him, “Some guy put something in my bra today and said have a drink.”

“What was it?” asked Paul.

“A tea bag,” said Aunt Chris.

Armless joke?

An instructive conversation between a wise tribal elder and a curious youth.

Reader Jennifer McKean had lunch at a restaurant with her husband and grandson.

The grandson who ordered chicken wings asked what happened to the rest of the chicken after it lost its wings.

Jennifer’s husband, who has a dark sense of humor, replied: “The chicken will live a long and fulfilling life, although any ambitions she has to work as a professional juggler or darts player are pretty much gone.”

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rob her

In a coffee shop, reader James Miller overheard an unchivalrous teenager in school uniform conversing with a buddy. He recalled a conversation he recently had with his girlfriend.

Said this boy, “She thought the whole time I was going to call her a mutt.

“I said, ‘No, no, no. A cup. Like drinking coffee out of it.”

“So she said, ‘Oh. Well, that’s fine then.’”

Read more: Why the Tartan Army was Booed

demanding plant

Reader Chris Robertson’s mother is annoyed by flies that keep getting into her kitchen.

Chris decided to solve the problem creatively by buying his mother a Venus flytrap.

A week later he inquired whether Venus had vanquished the buzzing pests.

“It didn’t eat a single fly,” mum sighed. “Just my luck to get the only vegan Venus Flytrap in the world.”

Bartender rules, okay?

When reader Ken Bennet visited a Shawlands liquor parlor, he spotted a sign next to the bar that filled him with awe and awe.

It read:

Rule 1: The bartender is always right.

Rule 2: If the bartender is wrong… see Rule 1.

footers above

Outraged reader Darren Price says: “The moment shoes were invented, there was no need to wear matching socks. Still, we continue with this senseless charade…why?!”

One stop shop

“ALL stores are actually physical stores,” points out reader Maggie Archer. “But only a few sell pens.”