Enough foreplay, Asteroids

In an incredible advance for space defense technology and the safe future of our planet, NASA has successfully diverted the path of an asteroid. The asteroid Dimorphus was not actually heading for Earth, but for NASA started a DART (Double Asteroid Redirection Test) spacecraft just to see if it is could distract the thing. It turned out to be possible, and it did. This is an absolutely awesome development for all the hardworking astronauts and space nerds at NASA and those people who are still interested in “surviving” on this planet. But I have to say, I’m tired of hearing about asteroids that crawl a little too close and never hit. When a large space rock rushes towards our blue marble, who are we to interrupt it? In the words of the immortal John Lennon: Let it be.

We had a pretty good run on Earth. We have invented over 600 Yankee Candle fragrances including Christmas wish and Christmas memories. Drew Barrymore has a truly wonderful and heartbreaking character Interview style talk show. A new species of sloth was discovered lately. But again, there’s obviously a lot of pain and agony here: we’re stuck in an infinite loop where we’re both exposed to Try Guys fraud scandal and listen new opinions The Oscar gossip. People keep trying to bring back the low-rise jean trend.

All this asteroid babble just feels like a disappointing prelude to annihilation. Hit us up or see for yourself! While I’m proud of NASA for teaming up with Italian astronauts to practice knocking off an asteroid, I’m ready for it one who just takes me now. Why are we delaying the inevitable? If it’s not an asteroid, it’ll be rising temperatures boiling the rest of the drinking water, or Kim Jong Un in his Nancy Meyers garden coneflower Launch of nuclear weapons or the underground volcano Yellowstone explodes and its ashes block sunlight for years. Every day we learn of a new horrific way our planet is being decimated and it’s like, Jesus, shit or get out of the pot!

Let’s just see what species are repopulating the planet after all humans and iPhones and Taco Bell cantinas are wiped out. Without Chicxulub we would probably never have been here very funny sounding asteroid that killed all the dinosaurs. Like the brilliant author Amy Hempel once did wrote“How do we know that what is happening to us is not good?” An asteroid destroying human civilization could be that very mood shift we’ve all been waiting for.