Cuffing season has officially given way to divorce season

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Daylight shrinks and layers of clothing build up. It is autumn. As Florence Welch sang, “The dog days are over.” No longer dancing in the warm outdoors, hoping to attract a brief summer lover. It’s too cold for that now. Now we must find a companion.

In the past, this transition has been referred to as “cuff season,” a time when you commit to someone you can get through the isolating winter months with. But if you’ve read the tabloids and sensed the looming threat of climate change: It’s no longer cold and it’s no longer cuff season. Global temperatures are rising and everyone is getting divorced.

Here’s your news hook: Many longtime couples have either called it quits lately or are hovering around the big red marriage eject button. Tia Mowry and her husband Cory Hardrict announced their divorce on Tuesday after 14 years of marriage. Gisele and Tom Brady reportedly have armed himself with divorce lawyers and prepare for battle. Singer Miguel and his high school friend Nazanin Mandi get divorced after four years of marriage and 17 years of dating. Brittany Snow, Mackenzie Scott, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Robin Wright, Zoe Lister-Jones and Emily Ratajkowski are just a few of the other high-profile people ending their marriages.

Obviously, celebrity divorces don’t come as much of a shock; They have the financial means to extricate themselves from unions that no longer serve them, are surrounded by an endless stream of sexy, stylish colleagues, and their careers often depend on their enduring relevance. Divorces are not uncommon for us plebeians either: forty percent of first marriages End in a split, and that stat only increases with each subsequent “I do.” After Covid lockdowns, a huge wave of divorces rushed over the sacred institution. Folks, famous and not famous, are ready to celebrate the season of single dom. Here lies the cuffing season 2008 (?) – 2022.

We don’t need to rehash the reasons for this. As Molly Osberg wrote for us last year:

During the pandemic, when both members of a couple were working full-time from home during a lockdown, 67% of the women stated they were wholly or mainly responsible for housework. When a child was homeschooled during the pandemic that had closed schools for months, 3% of women said their spouses get more schooling than they do. Between May and June last year every fourth woman those who stopped working said they did so because they had a child to look after. One in eight men reported the same circumstances, and while meast fathers report that they are actively and equally involved in the upbringing of their child, fully three quarters of women report that they do more child labor than their spouse. The cumulative effect of all this work being forced upon American women – work that seems to go unnoticed by the men who live with them and co-parent their children – has been described as “grotesque‘, and it has helped create a scenario where female labor force participation is as low today as it was in the 1980s. Now imagine spending a year and a half working full-time, raising your child largely unaided and doing most of the household chores while your husband occasionally congratulates himself on putting away the dishes. Don’t you want a goddamn divorce too?

What new descriptor fills the rift where cuff season once reigned? separation time? Divorce December? Fresh separation weather? cancellation autumn? “KR, these are all incredible alliterative ideas.” Thanks, I agree. Whatever the name, it’s time to break up, baby. Embark on your own in these cold months. Your New Year’s kiss, if you even want one, can be a totally adorable mystery. There are no blankets to eat or eat when it’s just you lying alone in your lovely bed with no unsatisfying partner by your side. Happy Divorce Season! Cuffing season has officially given way to divorce season

Adam Bradshaw

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